Chapter 134 - Forgotten Days
It's still dark at 7am; greyer than at 6 when the alarm went . She didn't wake; I did, laying there pretending I was still asleep, hoping she would reach out from her bed to silence the thing. I had to call repeatedly until she was conscious enough to fumble for the button. In the silence there was no further movement, she was not taking her pills. More calling; I'm awake with a thick head. She says "I'm stuck. My legs are jammed." I slide into the gap between our beds. Her feet are sticking out from beneath the doona, each shaking to their own rhythm. "I can't find my legs" she says as I pat the soles of her feet, one colder because it's been uncovered longer. "They're crossed' she murmurs, referring to her legs. Actually they aren't, just parallel, as she lays partially on her right side her left leg is forward of the right. But if they feel crossed then that is what they are. I pull her legs off the bed, leaning down for her grasp around my neck to draw her up into a seated position. Find her shoes needed to reach the toilet. We both go. I wait for her at the door of her bathroom; she is waving her small LED torch about, I try to keep my eyes closed in the gloom hoping I can return to sleep once back in bed. She makes it back into bed without assistance. I lay there too long, thinking too much. She sleeps. I burn some raisin toast & with a mug of tea go to my dungeon to write this waffle. I start up Henry Wymbs' "Irish Eye" programme from the BBC to hear one of the first songs he played yesterday was "Maggie", into which I always insert her name, the diminutive by which I have always called her.
On a Saturday some weeks ago we took the van about an hour up the road to a stylish town with a down at heel van park. Our friends also took their van. On the Monday the girls went together to visit the rag shops, we blokes looked into the odd bookshop & the like. She was quite happy with herself because she had been able to get into & out of the friends' car without assistance. But from then on, she had bad days. The close confines of the van toilet & shower caused her stress. She again began clawing her way out of the toilet room. The level of the van was perfect side-side but there was a detectable slope lengthwise because I was unable to lower the front enough to compensate for the gradient of the ground. The head ends of our beds were higher than the foot ends & she said that didn't bother her. Anyway, it was a break away for a week without being a trip to remember.
We recently bought a collapsible shower chair, more a commode, which may be helpful if & when we stay at motels, but also useful at home when she is not able to stand while washing her hair under the shower. We were shown a collapsible walker that doubles as a light weight wheelchair, so a week later we bought that as well. The new walker has the safer style of brake that her old walker lacked. I am encouraging her to use the new walker as much as possible so that she doesn't need to hold my arm and continually look for somewhere to sit & rest. The new walker is easy to sit on and at a pinch, if she is unable to walk further , the back rest reverses for the chair to double as a wheel chair. The only time we tested it in that mode she was dead scared of falling out. Also bought another two suck-on grab handles for use in showers & toilets in places that advertise themselves as being disability friendly.
So we now have two walkers (one doubling as a wheel chair), 2 shower chairs, one wheelchair, a battery powered scooter, four suck-on grab handles, various bits of exercise equipment not used very much. You can't say we are unprepared.
She has one more Medicare refundable visit to the private physio to go. The physio has been a great help advising how to avoid panic attacks and incontinence issues. The physio has been one of the few along this journey that has offered any real help for real problems. The physio sessions at the local hospital have restarted so she is continuing there as well. Unfortunately she does her stretch irregularly at home, accuses me of being a bully when coerce into activity.
She is in a cycle now where she is going to bed later & later because she is unable to get comfortable in bed and sleep before neck & shoulder pains bother her. These pains become sluggish headaches that may remain with her throughout the day. Strangely, her showering, drying & dressing activities have not required assistance for several weeks now, and I had been using calls for help a benchmark for her "wellness". Not so anymore.
Yesterday, I talked to her about clipart for embroidery digitising. She looked at me strangely, saying "I don't understand clipart." I didn't understand the comment; did not press the point, but worried instead.
On a Saturday some weeks ago we took the van about an hour up the road to a stylish town with a down at heel van park. Our friends also took their van. On the Monday the girls went together to visit the rag shops, we blokes looked into the odd bookshop & the like. She was quite happy with herself because she had been able to get into & out of the friends' car without assistance. But from then on, she had bad days. The close confines of the van toilet & shower caused her stress. She again began clawing her way out of the toilet room. The level of the van was perfect side-side but there was a detectable slope lengthwise because I was unable to lower the front enough to compensate for the gradient of the ground. The head ends of our beds were higher than the foot ends & she said that didn't bother her. Anyway, it was a break away for a week without being a trip to remember.
We recently bought a collapsible shower chair, more a commode, which may be helpful if & when we stay at motels, but also useful at home when she is not able to stand while washing her hair under the shower. We were shown a collapsible walker that doubles as a light weight wheelchair, so a week later we bought that as well. The new walker has the safer style of brake that her old walker lacked. I am encouraging her to use the new walker as much as possible so that she doesn't need to hold my arm and continually look for somewhere to sit & rest. The new walker is easy to sit on and at a pinch, if she is unable to walk further , the back rest reverses for the chair to double as a wheel chair. The only time we tested it in that mode she was dead scared of falling out. Also bought another two suck-on grab handles for use in showers & toilets in places that advertise themselves as being disability friendly.
So we now have two walkers (one doubling as a wheel chair), 2 shower chairs, one wheelchair, a battery powered scooter, four suck-on grab handles, various bits of exercise equipment not used very much. You can't say we are unprepared.
She has one more Medicare refundable visit to the private physio to go. The physio has been a great help advising how to avoid panic attacks and incontinence issues. The physio has been one of the few along this journey that has offered any real help for real problems. The physio sessions at the local hospital have restarted so she is continuing there as well. Unfortunately she does her stretch irregularly at home, accuses me of being a bully when coerce into activity.
She is in a cycle now where she is going to bed later & later because she is unable to get comfortable in bed and sleep before neck & shoulder pains bother her. These pains become sluggish headaches that may remain with her throughout the day. Strangely, her showering, drying & dressing activities have not required assistance for several weeks now, and I had been using calls for help a benchmark for her "wellness". Not so anymore.
Yesterday, I talked to her about clipart for embroidery digitising. She looked at me strangely, saying "I don't understand clipart." I didn't understand the comment; did not press the point, but worried instead.
posted by Kilpike | 7:12 am
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