Chapter 308 - I Don't Know How

"I don't know how" she said, seated on the side of her bed, feet on the floor, both hands pressing down on the edge of the mattress. She referred to the simple action of standing, turning 90 degrees to sit on the commode. I got out of bed, my arm beneath her left arm pit to help raise her then pivoted her so her bum was above the commode. There must be a difference between being "unable to move" and "not knowing how to move". Stuck in my mind, this event occurred one morning earlier in the week. I suspect she has said such things before without my noticing.

On Thursday, on being shown the photos of the white blotches on her feet (see Chapter 306), her podiatrist wondered whether she experienced Raynaud's Disease although he expected her toes to be somewhat blueish - well a couple of them were, although the photography failed to capture the colour. He again checked her feet with an audio probe and said the results were satisfactory. Of course, at the time she only had mild tingling in her feet. Once this coming week's Apomine trial is over we will need to follow up the the tingling and pain in her feet should such continue. The last thing she needs is damage to her toes.

Tomorrow, Monday, we have another "holiday" in Hot Air City. Mid week we received instructions, scripts and a diffusion pump kit in preparation for her to enter hospital tomorrow in preparation for an Apomine Trial on Tuesday. We made an appointment at the local Pathology for her to have a blood test and an ECG at 9am on Thursday required before the trial.

She had to cease Sifrol from yesterday, Saturday, three days before hospital admission and also begin taking an anti-nausea medication, since one of the side effects of Apomine is nausea. So her current schedule is

I suggested she return to her original 4 hour timings since the delayed times were giving her less mobility and the lack of the highest dose of Sifrol was sure to have a detrimental effect.

She finds keeping her feet raised while on her recliner to be helpful for her pain/tingling in legs and feet but she is bothered by her feet extending beyond the recliner. So she now has a small coffee table and firm pillow supporting her feet while she is on the recliner.

I awoke around 2.30am when she shouted "Let me out!" as well as other less distinct words and I remained awake for ages afterwards. This morning she mentioned that she used the commode 6 times between 10pm and midnight, and hourly thereafter. I have to believe her, the night was a blur; she said the commode pot was almost full when she emptied it (she often struggles to empty it herself before I get around to doing so; I prefer her not to, one day there will be an accident). She is dead scared that "something" will happen to me; last night I was very tired (and depressed by the election results) so I went to bed a little before 10pm to read. When she realised this she became scared of being outside on her own, unable to switch off lights and TV. I have been feeling weary and not very agile these past few weeks so she keeps asking me whether I'm OK, which irritates the hell out of me. so I upset her and she cried going to bed.

This morning she felt the need to have the small plastic shower chair to sit on while showering, although she didn't need wheeling in there on the commode.

We decided not to have lunch at the club today.