Chapter 224 - I Need You

"I need you" she just called on the CB radio. I had just sat down in my dungeon to begin typing this. She needed the loo; was unable to rise from her chair. I pushed her walker-trolley in front of her & reached for her hands. She stood, stooped , grasping the handles. Her feet would not move. She has to talk to them. Sometimes I tap them with my foot. She began to shuffle, me in revers guiding the trolley towards the bathroom. "I need the pole" she said; I was standing between the pole & the toilet. I grasped her hands, pushing the trolley out of the way. She grabbed the stainless steel "fireman's pole" a metre or so in front of the toilet and shuffled & turned rear to the toilet; I helped pull down her slacks, then up again when she had finished. On leaving she was more mobile, pushing her trolley. She is unable to rely on me for support; "You move" she says.

The intense pain in her lower legs has mostly gone now since stopping the statin meds last Friday, although she is now conscious of some hip pains. And she continues to plaster Ice Gel or arthritis relief cream on her legs & buttocks, indicating that there is still sufficient pain to be a bother.

Another insidious problem is developing though; her feet are freezing to the floor, worse than ever, worse with the right foot, and this scares the hell out of her because her balance mechanism detects slight leanings but her legs are unable to compensate. Mid-afternoon I had to wheel her collapsible walker into the bathroom (after removing her walker-trolley she normally uses in the house) and after much consternation was able to have her shuffle & turn enough to sit in it before wheeling her out to her normal chair in the back room. On this occasion she was able to grasp the fireman's pole to raise herself but was unable to pull up her clothing and couldn't move slightly sideways to sit on the shower chair left next to the toilet. I thought to myself as I was wheeling her that this is the first time she needed to be wheeled somewhere - maybe the folding wheelchair we have parked away may come into use soon. She detests being wheeled anywhere because she does not trust me not to tip her out; we last used the wheelchair years ago after she fell in the bathroom and tore the tendon in her leg. I have left her walker (it has a seat & foot rests so that it can act as a form of wheelchair) parked next to the toilet so that the next time she gets stuck in there I can more readily get her seated then wheeled out.

She only needed the loo twice last night, ignoring a trip on going to bed & also getting up. I think it was about 0100 she was out of bed, standing stooped, unable to shuffle forwards. She called my name, I held her hands attempting to lead her, she had to talk to her feet to have them move, then without lifting either foot off the floor, half a step forward counting 1-2-3-4 with me walking backwards.

Since she has stopped the cranberry pills for the time being she is no longer "trotting" to the loo and last night she only got up twice to piddle. A great improvement. She will re-commence taking the cranberry pills again once she can trust her stomach but that may not be until after we return from Pivot City after our visit next weekend. At the moment we still plan to go and it will be a great opportunity to celebrate Mother's Day with that part of the family.

After speaking to a friend about inserting the pessaries prescribed by the doctor she learned that it was possible to lay on her back on her bed & insert the device where it needed to be inserted. A call on the CB radio summoned my help. Her hand tremors prevented her from pressing the trigger mechanism to release the capsule. I located the device, pressed the trigger and disposed of the applicator. She will probably require assistance for the next couple of weeks at least until the prescription runs out; I don't know whether this will be needed for ever.

A few mornings ago I was ashamed of myself. Both of us were attempting to pull up her incontinence bloomers (disposable things) when she began to laugh, yet not in a humoured way. I said "Don't laugh, this isn't funny." She replied "If I don't laugh then I'll cry" whereupon she began sobbing. Sometimes I feel a real shit.

This afternoon a friend popped in to have a chat; I took the opportunity to walk to the hall to collect the mail. There wasn't any so I returned with some junk mail for her to read; she likes that. Although only 10 minutes at the most are required to walk there and back I don't like to leave her on her own at present. Whether she would be willing to be assisted by someone else I don't know; I suspect she would probably grin & bear the discomfort for a time.

She continues to make satin nighties. She says it's not possible to buy practical satin nighties. "I am making them for when I go into the nursing home." "Don't be silly, you're not going there" I reply.