Chapter 117 - Dinkum, This is on the Level

Her expectations of bad weather over Xmas failed to eventuate. We cruised north on a beautiful Sunday morning. A few showers on a few days but in general warm fine days, took some short walks along the park towards the local town. Xmas day was almost a failure. She woke Xmas morning very bothered that the van was sloping too much, she felt unbalanced. While sitting on the side of her bed she needed to tense her legs to prevent herself falling forward. She was distressed. I needed to help her shower (in the van, she never goes to ablution blocks), then dried & dressed her. We arrived at family to enjoy a quiet but crowded Xmas lunch. Our son was able to give me a couple of pieces of timber with which to pack up the wheels on one side of the van. We left early enough so that I could do this in daylight, realised I had left her raised toilet seat behind when over halfway back to the van park, returned for it. So in the dusk after 7pm I jacked up each wheel on the "low" side of the van and positioned the 40mm timbers beneath, the level across the van now almost perfect. And that cured her problems. She slept well each night after that small adjustment. Although we always take the TENS with us, it was not required the whole time we were away. I now wonder whether discomfort on earlier van trips may have been due to poor levelling of the van; I am none too careful about such things such as levels and positioning squarely to concrete pads and kerbs. But to indicate the amount of slope, the bubble in the level on the A-frame was only just on the edge of the inner circle; not much slope. So I think I'll buy a small trolley jack to replace the bottle jack I have and carry a collection of timbers of various thicknesses.

On the morning of Xmas eve we met her sister at the family graves at the very old & large cemetery where the sister placed some flowers & tidied the graves. She was unable to help however. Then on Boxing Day both Ugly Sisters & better halves visited us at the van park. Then other friends also visited on the next two days as well. This was much appreciated, as her stress levels were kept down. Although we made quite a few trips, mostly along toll ways, as I have noted on our credit card account now that we are home, so I expect we spent more on tolls than fuel, yet well worth it, for she has poor tolerance for congested traffic, lights & round-abouts. In the evening of Xmas eve we sat in the van reading Xmas cards together (a pleasant experience), me noting names to receive a "new year" letter sometime in 2008, soon enough before people suspect we have fallen off the perch. Having been to the embroidery convention shortly before leaving in the van left no time for the labour of preparing Xmas cards. Our intention of telephoning all Xmas card senders (to us) failed once we realised the time involved. One can't simply say "Merry Xmas to you & yours from us" then hang up; no it takes much, much longer than even preparing a canned letter.

Last Wednesday she began the day with a slight headache, although she did not mention it until mid afternoon, and it faded by evening. On going to bed she said that she "didn't feel right". She was unable to verbalise her feelings more than that, even after repeated questioning. She looked puzzled, questioning, as I asked her, yet no words came, except "peculiar" & seemed to be related to her tremors. Is this something new? It is hard for me to understand that which I can't experience.

The next day she complained that her glasses were "fogging up". She often complains of this but this time was the first I actually saw the problem. Perhaps the light was from the right angle. Both lenses of her glasses had fogged over most of their surfaces, just like a windscreen in humid weather. Mine showed no signs of condensation so it was simply water vapour from her face, which means that her body temperature must have been very high around her face. She often says that the skin beneath her eyes becomes sore from wiping away sweat.

I have noticed something about myself. I am fearful of leaving her anywhere. at home or in the van while I go shopping. On Thursday I left her in the van (she did not wish to experience the traffic & a crowded car park) while I went in search of a book (Spong's latest; hand signs from some of you?). The shopping centre was some 20 minutes away. I found the book, bought some meds for her at a chemist and returned in just over an hour. She slept on her bed the whole time I was away. Even though we both had our mobiles, I felt uncomfortable leaving her on her own. I wonder whether this fear is good for either of us, Independence versus dependency.

So now we are back to the commitments of retirement having escaped for almost two weeks. Damn.