Chapter 120 - A Challenge Overcome

She began the week badly; a disturbed night heralded Monday morning when she complained that her legs had been "sticking out of bed" again, needed assistance again to dress after showering, and by 11:30 she returned to bed to sleep for almost two hours. She was OK after that. She was very breathless after walking our village at 10pm.

Tuesday she began cleaning out her sewing room and old paperwork from drawers about the house. She did two loads of washing although I hung it on the line. Then on Wednesday after my optometrist appointment I bought her garlic king prawns followed by key lime tart at the club, for my dilated eyes were too intolerant of the late afternoon glare to drive home. I then shopped at Coles while she waited on a seat because her sciatic pain had returned. Late in the evening she suffered discomfort above her abdomen. Next morning she still felt discomfort so she refused breakfast, instead having a mug of decaffeinated black tea, another one later. She coughed while eating a salad at lunch and later complained of a "rough" throat, probably from the coughing. We walked the village again that night when I walked slower and her breathing was not as heavy as a result.

Friday another load of washing that I hung but she pointedly told me after she had brought it in that I had forgotten. Before going to bed that night I found her examining some embroidery patterns for sale on line. I queried her interest. "I'm thinking of buying that one for [sister's] birthday". She asked me to check the dimensions of the photo frame mats I have; I did so, not becoming too excited with this turn of events. "Go ahead" I said. Next morning I learned that she had bought several. She had done so several times now without putting the designs to use. Late on Saturday afternoon as I was changing to go to the sausage sizzle at our local hall I heard her embroidery machine chattering away. On inspection I found a piece of lace almost completed. I expressed surprise (and delight) that she had been able to tackle the task. Again she mentioned [sister's] name as the intended recipient. When we arrived at the hall I confided in our close friend that the first embroidery piece had been completed in about a year (back then there had been a failure with a cheap towel). The friend was very pleased about the accomplishment. Later in the evening I was accused of having a big mouth, that I shouldn't have mentioned the embroidery to our friend. For you see, our friend and the sister have the same name, phonetically that is, because one has a silent letter in the spelling. It seems I should have detected the use and non-use of the silent letter in the names mentioned as the beneficiaries of the embroidery project. You see, BOTH ladies will be recipients and now the sister may read this and will also know. Woe is me, I just hope she keeps quiet.

Chapter 119 - A Week of Gadgets

I think I have mentioned that she often complains that her glasses fog when she gets the sweats. I bought a digital thermometer for her to stick in her ear whenever that happens. Twice this last week she reported that her core temperature was 36.5C at times when her glasses fogged, that is quite normal, so I don't understand why her skin produces such an amount of moisture to cause condensation or why her glasses become cool enough to cause condensation. Perhaps variations in air currents have an effect; I just realise that I don't know whether the condensation forms on the inner or outer surfaces of the glass. I must ask; she sleeps now.

She mail ordered a long handled device to assist with personal hygiene when away from home. I sometimes wonder out loud if she has tested it yet; seems not yet.

A visit to Hot Air City saw us return with a collapsible 12 kg wheel chair. Another piece of hardware not tested yet, although this is in preparation for our proposed cruise around the Long White Cloud at the end of the year; but also for crowded public gatherings should we have the misfortune to find one. A seat belt is attached for her confidence that she won't be tipped out, for she believes I am a reckless wheel chair driver from the time she fell in the bathroom & damaged the tendon in her left leg a couple of years ago. We joke that perhaps roll bars should have been attached as well. With my eye sight problems, one day soon I may provide motive power for the chair while she provides navigational instructions. Someone jokes about signs attached front & back. Who needs a seeing-eye dog?

I am proud & relieved that she has completed our post-Xmas letter task. She spent several sessions over the past fortnight updating our mailing list, editing small details in the letters and printing the lot. A large pile of envelopes grew on the floor beside her desk and she blames bending to retrieve envelopes & letters for her needing a session from the TENS machine yesterday morning. I'm hoping her success with this task may give her the courage to attempt some embroidery.

I am preparing an embroidery tutorial using a particular photographic technique I have devised using a commercial software product. The image is a portrait on a 35mm colour slide I shot more than a few years ago, on 31st January 1960 when she was a little more than 17. A labour of love more than a project.

Chapter 118 - A Quiet Week

Except for a little help Monday morning, she showered, dried and dressed herself this past week. I was also going to say that she has also been inactive until I checked my notes; I noted that she washed & hung clothes on Monday and as a result slept much of that afternoon. Then on Wednesday she helped me sort & file 300 spools of thread in a new thread cabinet I made. The other cabinet is back in her sewing room where I hope to encourage her to do a little stitching. So long since she tried. Of course, she completed her puzzle magazines as usual. Several times I went shopping on my own, she was not up to it, especially in the heat. As she says "You will be quicker without me" but that is a trap we mustn't fall into.

One morning I found her sitting on the side of her bed, in the dimness. "What are you doing?" I asked. "Just thinking." "What about?" "I was in another world" she concluded with a little smile. Lately I think she is often in another world, yet she is her usual animated self when speaking to others, in person or on the phone.

Although she says she is not in pain, she often takes a couple of Panamax for her "stiff" back. It seems back "stiffness" and "tightness" translate into "ache" in my language. She says "pain" is "sharp" and that she is not experiencing. Semantics. I would need to look back though my notes to find the last time she used the TENS machine.

Since we have been home, I have forced myself to rise as soon as possible after the 6am alarm for her meds to spend a few minutes on the treadmill. OK, I build up slowly! Then I disturb her at 8am to rise for a shower. Sometimes we are a little late, like today at 8:30am.

Chapter 117 - Dinkum, This is on the Level

Her expectations of bad weather over Xmas failed to eventuate. We cruised north on a beautiful Sunday morning. A few showers on a few days but in general warm fine days, took some short walks along the park towards the local town. Xmas day was almost a failure. She woke Xmas morning very bothered that the van was sloping too much, she felt unbalanced. While sitting on the side of her bed she needed to tense her legs to prevent herself falling forward. She was distressed. I needed to help her shower (in the van, she never goes to ablution blocks), then dried & dressed her. We arrived at family to enjoy a quiet but crowded Xmas lunch. Our son was able to give me a couple of pieces of timber with which to pack up the wheels on one side of the van. We left early enough so that I could do this in daylight, realised I had left her raised toilet seat behind when over halfway back to the van park, returned for it. So in the dusk after 7pm I jacked up each wheel on the "low" side of the van and positioned the 40mm timbers beneath, the level across the van now almost perfect. And that cured her problems. She slept well each night after that small adjustment. Although we always take the TENS with us, it was not required the whole time we were away. I now wonder whether discomfort on earlier van trips may have been due to poor levelling of the van; I am none too careful about such things such as levels and positioning squarely to concrete pads and kerbs. But to indicate the amount of slope, the bubble in the level on the A-frame was only just on the edge of the inner circle; not much slope. So I think I'll buy a small trolley jack to replace the bottle jack I have and carry a collection of timbers of various thicknesses.

On the morning of Xmas eve we met her sister at the family graves at the very old & large cemetery where the sister placed some flowers & tidied the graves. She was unable to help however. Then on Boxing Day both Ugly Sisters & better halves visited us at the van park. Then other friends also visited on the next two days as well. This was much appreciated, as her stress levels were kept down. Although we made quite a few trips, mostly along toll ways, as I have noted on our credit card account now that we are home, so I expect we spent more on tolls than fuel, yet well worth it, for she has poor tolerance for congested traffic, lights & round-abouts. In the evening of Xmas eve we sat in the van reading Xmas cards together (a pleasant experience), me noting names to receive a "new year" letter sometime in 2008, soon enough before people suspect we have fallen off the perch. Having been to the embroidery convention shortly before leaving in the van left no time for the labour of preparing Xmas cards. Our intention of telephoning all Xmas card senders (to us) failed once we realised the time involved. One can't simply say "Merry Xmas to you & yours from us" then hang up; no it takes much, much longer than even preparing a canned letter.

Last Wednesday she began the day with a slight headache, although she did not mention it until mid afternoon, and it faded by evening. On going to bed she said that she "didn't feel right". She was unable to verbalise her feelings more than that, even after repeated questioning. She looked puzzled, questioning, as I asked her, yet no words came, except "peculiar" & seemed to be related to her tremors. Is this something new? It is hard for me to understand that which I can't experience.

The next day she complained that her glasses were "fogging up". She often complains of this but this time was the first I actually saw the problem. Perhaps the light was from the right angle. Both lenses of her glasses had fogged over most of their surfaces, just like a windscreen in humid weather. Mine showed no signs of condensation so it was simply water vapour from her face, which means that her body temperature must have been very high around her face. She often says that the skin beneath her eyes becomes sore from wiping away sweat.

I have noticed something about myself. I am fearful of leaving her anywhere. at home or in the van while I go shopping. On Thursday I left her in the van (she did not wish to experience the traffic & a crowded car park) while I went in search of a book (Spong's latest; hand signs from some of you?). The shopping centre was some 20 minutes away. I found the book, bought some meds for her at a chemist and returned in just over an hour. She slept on her bed the whole time I was away. Even though we both had our mobiles, I felt uncomfortable leaving her on her own. I wonder whether this fear is good for either of us, Independence versus dependency.

So now we are back to the commitments of retirement having escaped for almost two weeks. Damn.