Chapter 258 - Fear
Whenever I watch TV shows such as "Silent Witness" I need to do so on "my" TV in the lounge room, rather than "her" TV in the back room. Any programme displaying any tension or violence is intolerable for her, so "Silent Witness" which regularly displays dissected bodies on mortuary trolleys is most definitely not her type of show. So I was engrossed in the programme when I heard a scraping noise at her bathroom door (just behind where I was seated), as well as some faint vocal sounds of frustration. I jumped up to find her gripping her trolley, attempting unsuccessfully to push open the bathroom door, she was panting with effort. As I helped her stumble into the bathroom, helped her pull down her clothes, she told me her arms were "frozen", just like her feet often do. I had not heard her mention such a problem before. It seems she has experienced some freezing of her arms before but had not bothered to mention the problem.
I waited outside the bathroom, door ajar, until she was ready to rise again, when I helped adjust her clothes. She was hardly able to grasp the "fireman's pole" I had installed a short distance in front of the toilet bowl. We shuffled together to the doorway where she tried to grasp the handles of her trolley. By this time her breath through her nostrils was quite audible, her mouth closed. She was stiff all over, yet was tremoring badly, she asked to sit in the bedroom until the tremors subsided. I suspect she was on the verge of a panic attack. I asked her to poke out her tongue, move it side to side, no problems with that, so no sign of stroke. By the time the "Silent Witness" episode concluded she was ready to get into bed. The bed clothes shook from the shakes in her legs. She had some Panadol to ease the pains in her legs.
I vaguely remember her rising for the bathroom several times during the night. Around 6:30am she asked to sit in her chair in the bedroom, needed her little foot rocker (stored in the shower recess of the other bathroom) to support her trembling legs & feet. When I asked she said she had been awake since 1am. As I rose about 8am for a shower she returned to bed; she agreed to the radio playing; when I returned from my brief 20 minute shower she was being driven to distraction by the voices from the radio. I turned it off, leaving her to sleep, breakfast for me.
In my dungeon I completed my Lumosity "brain training" exercises; began this blog chapter, from time to time checking that she was still sleeping. On the last check a short time ago she surprised me; she was showered and dressing. I helped clip her bra. So begins another day.
I fully expect, quite soon, to help her clean up after a personal embarrassment. She often asks for help to get to the bathroom quickly before her bowels "explode".
The headaches she experienced after reducing her Deralin dosage from 40mg to 20mg (5 times each day) wore off after several days. Since she was taking 10x10mg tablets per day another script had to be filled as the dosage was reduced to 10mg 5 times a day. She intends to phone the PD nurse in Hot Air City on Monday, the day planned to stop taking Deralin all together, for advice. Her appointment to see the nurse, organised by the neuro, is not until the following week.
Since reducing the Deralin dosage she has not experienced any vision, brief "black out" episodes, which seems to be the reason the neuro asked her to stop the Deralin. However she says that when walking, on my arm or with her walker, she experiences a "tipping backward" sensation, which frightens her, whenever she stops moving forward. A symptom I have grown accustomed to and hardly ever notice, yet she must be conscious of it especially in public, that of her head rhythmically rolling side to side, forward & back, has largely gone.
Her ability to rise from sitting on the side of her bed may have deteriorated. I sometimes watch her rise in the early morning for the loo. Having lowered her feet to the floor, she leans forward slightly, hands resting on the bed, she concentrates, then pivots forward and up, body still bent in an "L" shape from the sitting position, one hand makes a grasp for her walker trolley positioned about 1/2 metre in front of her, the hand (her right) does not reach the handle of the walker, her body pivots back onto the bed. After some more concentration she rocks forward again, and again. At last, after maybe 4 or 5 attempts, her right hand grasps the handle of the walker, but if her left hand doesn't grab the other walker handle in time she sits down again. Probably on the next attempt both hands grasp the walker then she is away. Well, shuffles away, not pacing but shuffling, each step not much more than the heel of one foot aligning with the toe of the other. Rising from the toilet is perhaps a little easier because she is able to lean forward to grasp the "fireman's pole" to haul herself upwards but of course she needs to use one hand for pulling up her incontinence pants. There, in a half exposed, stooped position, she may call for help. At times when she has not had the CB, when I have not heard her calls, she may sit there for lengthy periods, suffering a very cold bottom.
Just now, as I went to make myself another mug of tea, I found that she was baking some muffins in the oven. Bad for me of course yet doing so must encourage her to struggle against becoming a vegetable. As with her sewing, quilting & embroidery. Our local sewing machine man was able to lubricate the seized main shaft bushes on the Brother machine she uses for sewing; so she was able to complete her last patch work quilt. I have promised to buy her a new machine should the main shaft seize again or as a birthday present, whichever comes first. She needs a sewing machine with only hand controls, rather than a foot control, because when attempting to use both hands & feet simultaneously, her legs tremor badly, causing loss of control of the machine. She has begun some embroidery to make into a pillow as a birthday present for her friend around the corner.
I waited outside the bathroom, door ajar, until she was ready to rise again, when I helped adjust her clothes. She was hardly able to grasp the "fireman's pole" I had installed a short distance in front of the toilet bowl. We shuffled together to the doorway where she tried to grasp the handles of her trolley. By this time her breath through her nostrils was quite audible, her mouth closed. She was stiff all over, yet was tremoring badly, she asked to sit in the bedroom until the tremors subsided. I suspect she was on the verge of a panic attack. I asked her to poke out her tongue, move it side to side, no problems with that, so no sign of stroke. By the time the "Silent Witness" episode concluded she was ready to get into bed. The bed clothes shook from the shakes in her legs. She had some Panadol to ease the pains in her legs.
I vaguely remember her rising for the bathroom several times during the night. Around 6:30am she asked to sit in her chair in the bedroom, needed her little foot rocker (stored in the shower recess of the other bathroom) to support her trembling legs & feet. When I asked she said she had been awake since 1am. As I rose about 8am for a shower she returned to bed; she agreed to the radio playing; when I returned from my brief 20 minute shower she was being driven to distraction by the voices from the radio. I turned it off, leaving her to sleep, breakfast for me.
In my dungeon I completed my Lumosity "brain training" exercises; began this blog chapter, from time to time checking that she was still sleeping. On the last check a short time ago she surprised me; she was showered and dressing. I helped clip her bra. So begins another day.
I fully expect, quite soon, to help her clean up after a personal embarrassment. She often asks for help to get to the bathroom quickly before her bowels "explode".
The headaches she experienced after reducing her Deralin dosage from 40mg to 20mg (5 times each day) wore off after several days. Since she was taking 10x10mg tablets per day another script had to be filled as the dosage was reduced to 10mg 5 times a day. She intends to phone the PD nurse in Hot Air City on Monday, the day planned to stop taking Deralin all together, for advice. Her appointment to see the nurse, organised by the neuro, is not until the following week.
Since reducing the Deralin dosage she has not experienced any vision, brief "black out" episodes, which seems to be the reason the neuro asked her to stop the Deralin. However she says that when walking, on my arm or with her walker, she experiences a "tipping backward" sensation, which frightens her, whenever she stops moving forward. A symptom I have grown accustomed to and hardly ever notice, yet she must be conscious of it especially in public, that of her head rhythmically rolling side to side, forward & back, has largely gone.
Her ability to rise from sitting on the side of her bed may have deteriorated. I sometimes watch her rise in the early morning for the loo. Having lowered her feet to the floor, she leans forward slightly, hands resting on the bed, she concentrates, then pivots forward and up, body still bent in an "L" shape from the sitting position, one hand makes a grasp for her walker trolley positioned about 1/2 metre in front of her, the hand (her right) does not reach the handle of the walker, her body pivots back onto the bed. After some more concentration she rocks forward again, and again. At last, after maybe 4 or 5 attempts, her right hand grasps the handle of the walker, but if her left hand doesn't grab the other walker handle in time she sits down again. Probably on the next attempt both hands grasp the walker then she is away. Well, shuffles away, not pacing but shuffling, each step not much more than the heel of one foot aligning with the toe of the other. Rising from the toilet is perhaps a little easier because she is able to lean forward to grasp the "fireman's pole" to haul herself upwards but of course she needs to use one hand for pulling up her incontinence pants. There, in a half exposed, stooped position, she may call for help. At times when she has not had the CB, when I have not heard her calls, she may sit there for lengthy periods, suffering a very cold bottom.
Just now, as I went to make myself another mug of tea, I found that she was baking some muffins in the oven. Bad for me of course yet doing so must encourage her to struggle against becoming a vegetable. As with her sewing, quilting & embroidery. Our local sewing machine man was able to lubricate the seized main shaft bushes on the Brother machine she uses for sewing; so she was able to complete her last patch work quilt. I have promised to buy her a new machine should the main shaft seize again or as a birthday present, whichever comes first. She needs a sewing machine with only hand controls, rather than a foot control, because when attempting to use both hands & feet simultaneously, her legs tremor badly, causing loss of control of the machine. She has begun some embroidery to make into a pillow as a birthday present for her friend around the corner.
posted by Kilpike | 11:22 am
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