Chapter 146 - Decisions

She came to the door of my dungeon yesterday morning "Would it bother you if we didn't go on the cruise?" "No" I replied. She had spent most of the night awake in worry about her operation next week, possible complications, and being fit to cruise around Kiwi Land. After counting the days to embarkation we will be able to cancel without losing more than our deposit (we hope), so tomorrow morning we will see the travel agent.

Her walking ability has improved out of sight. Walking to the village hall, while shopping, all without needing to hold my arm. Just an occasional holding hands while crossing a curb, how romantic. This morning she demonstrated how she is able to return to bed without "walking" into it on hands and knees. She is even butting into kitchen activities, has been getting her own breakfast and sweets in the evening. Even a couple of lunch-time pancake luxuries. On Friday when friends from Hot Air City called in on their way to Big Smoke, she prepared a lunch of quiche with salad followed by sorbet & strawberries for sweets. Quite an under taking for her after the recent past. We demonstrated her scooter and her newer collapsible walker, both un-used to her friend who has MS. So many appliances and gadgets have been bought to help her across temporary hurdles, so few she needs any more. Even the MP3 player is no longer required to help her sleep. But each has been a good investment, each an aid to prevent a down hill spiral of well being. I suspect each small un-treated difficulty compounds with all the others to produce an insurmountable situation.

She confessed to me a few days ago that she had, until recently, some strange hallucinations. She believed that she had seen me rise during the night, remove my track suit top (I wear a track suit as pajamas in cold weather) and replace it with a normal cotton pajama top and that would cause her to ask "Are you hot?" I can even remember answering, once or twice, half awake "Of course not!" annoyed at being woken in the middle of a winter's night. She had not the courage to mention these events earlier in case I thought she was losing her mind. There has been no occurrences since beginning Sifrol and reducing Sinemet CR.

She continues with 1xSifrol, 1xCR & 1xIndorel at 6am, 12 noon & 6pm. She marvels that she has movement during the night for not taking anything for 12 hours between 6pm & 6am.

I discovered at my school re-union that the neurologist she last saw, several years ago now, was in a class several years in advance of me. Although I did not remember his name from those school years, I can still picture him playing chess with a mate on the assembly steps. In those days he was a "Balt" or a "Wog". He did not attend the re-union. Circles with diameters of fifty years and more. The little I remember of him was in keeping with his "bed side" manner, now retired.

Chapter 145 - Some Good, Some Just Puzzling

Comfortable train trips each way to Home Town for me to attend the school re-union. Our first night in the motel was uncomfortable on a very firm queen size bed (is it PC to say that these days?) and a shower over the bath. She of course did not shower until we were moved into the only disabled room, with a wheel chair accessible shower, the next morning. There had been a delay for the room being made available to us because someone in the disabled room had been delayed in departing because of a partner in hospital. Even though the mattress in the disabled room may have been a little softer, she folded and laid upon the bed's cover thing to avoid some hip & back pain. She bought a soft mattress overlay on Sunday which helped for the last night, so in future that will be another travelling companion. I am quite surprised at how well she is walking now, very rarely needing a supporting arm or assistance to rise from a seated position. (We didn't take her new walker on the trip) The main street in Home Town is very long; yet on Sunday we walked the length of it, popping in and out of shops, occasionally holding hands yet not for support. The street is well provided with bench seats at regular intervals and she made frequent use of them.

For ages she has flared the fingers on her right hand as she walks. A few weeks ago she mentioned that the fingers on that hand felt tight and swollen. Then during the last week or two she began mentioning that her right arm developed numbness and tingling while she was in bed. Never the left. We assumed that it was due to laying on the arm and restricting circulation while asleep. Then she noticed that the effect happened quite quickly after laying down, whether on that arm or not, and disappears on standing. She says the sensation is different to that of restricted circulation, more a burning sensation in the upper arm followed by tingling pain in her middle finger that spreads to the adjacent fingers. This morning I had her lay on her back on one of our reclining lounge chairs for some 15 minutes without the symptoms happening. She researched the Big Library in the Sky to find a suggestion that the cause could be Carpel Tunnel. She has an appointment with the GP next Wednesday so perhaps this problem can wait until then.

She received notification from the hospital to attend a pre-op session next Tuesday and on the following Tuesday more will be taken from her left leg.

Today she celebrates her "Mark of the Beast" birthday. Yesterday we celebrated with a pleasant lunch with friends and also the day before with the Ugly Sisters at that club in the Southern Highlands. They accused me of using her disability as an excuse for not attending church any more! But my feelings are much deeper than simply needing an excuse. Firstly, for me to attend any "social" function that we would normally attend together is a subtle way of isolating her and perhaps inserting a small wedge into our relationship. As it is, I know that my lack of a desire to seek companionship and social contact away from home is actually beneficial for our relationship. We need to share more activities, not less. The technical aspects of Christian religious observance are another matter; I no longer accept that the oral history of a nomadic, blood thirsty group of mid-eastern tribes is the inerrant and literal word of God (actually, I don't think I ever did); rather their version of their history is a pathetic attempt to explain their search for God, and justification of their behaviour in their attempt. That "history" was then used to place into context the revolutionary teachings of one Man and in later times creeds and dogma have been added to constrain thoughts and beliefs. There is little difference between the pomp and circumstance of Rome and the rock concert expressions of worship in that land reportedly blessed by god. All, including the degrees between these extremes, is the clanging of cymbals to keep the masses entertained and controlled. So, no, I don't need an excuse to attend church; I need an excuse to attend. I am not without spiritual input; I listen to talks and receive written commentary on line; stuff called by others "liberal". Spiritual output? Well, I am where I am.

Others have noticed that she is walking more freely. She very rarely holds my arm. She tends to get out of breath because I walk too quickly for her. She says her balance is much better. And has not needed the MP3 player to aid in sleeping for some weeks. And has not needed the TENS machine. She is taking 3 x 250ug Sifrol each day.

Chapter 144 - Not the News We Wanted

At the doctor's surgery for an early appointment at 8:45am to have the stitches out of her leg and back where dark blemishes were removed two weeks ago. I sat outside the room reading a P.D. James novel until the nurse came out to ask me inside. The nurses were still removing the stitches, the surgeon watching on. He told me that the pathology report indicated melanoma in the piece removed from her leg, that from her back was OK. Unfortunately, it is recommended that further surgery remove an additional half a cm from around the wound. That will require a skin graft, so the surgeon suggests about 4 days in the local hospital, as soon as possible. He filled in a hospital admission form in which we completed personal details outside in our vehicle before taking it to the hospital on our way down to Hot Air City for my appointment with the eye specialist. He estimates my eyesight in my left eye has deteriorated by 30% since he first saw me, recommends a macular pucker operation (you don't want to know what that entails). He seemed to want to do the job as quickly as possible but when I mentioned her problems he decided that he should see me within two months to check deterioration. So one could say a shit of a day. And to hell with it. Tomorrow we catch the train down to Home Town for my high school reunion.

I am wondering about a cut-off date when I should cancel the cruise around the Long White Cloud. That may lose us some money. Who cares about that little bit, when those idiots in Yank Land are trying their hardest with their Free Market Recession to destroy the lot of us. Did you know that their so-called "law makers" were having a 2 day holiday on Tuesday and Wednesday to celebrate the Jewish New Year rather than deal with the crisis? Unbelievable!! And I thought that lot prided themselves on being the world's bastion of mis-guided Christianity. I would start a conspiracy theory that the economic crisis is due to terrorist manipulation of the market but no one would believe me because the manipulators in that country a just so selfishly stupid that they don't need help to do the job for themselves.

Having said that, I feel better.

I wonder whether I used any key words that will be of interest to the big library in the sky?