Chapter 116 - Festive Season Guilt

We go north tomorrow up the 4 lane to pitch the van at a park on the southern edge of Big Smoke. She has seen the weather reports, dwells on them, for they predict wild stormy weather, hailstones. Today she is not keen to go. Tomorrow may be different should it start sunny, not as this morning which presents a north-east sky that looks like a piece of steel covered in blue waiting for marking-out.

She has made a booking to have her hair trimmed at 10:30am today. I hope the place is not crowded. To my mind the trim is unnecessary. We both commented the other night how dark & thick her hair has grown. Old age, medications, anti-oxidants?

When we returned from the embroidery conference a few weeks ago there were Xmas cards in the letter box. We put them aside unopened. More came while we struggled with how to cope this year. I thought I might locate some double sided 6x4 photographic paper to mass produce our own as we did one other year. Tell me, why do we persist with imperial measurements for photographic paper & baby dimensions? As I procrastinated, unable to find suitable paper, even stuff I could guillotine, more cards. Then we really ran out of time, who wants to appear in Xmas card catch up mode? So be damned with convention, we will try to contact everyone in the new year, perhaps. You see, she cannot write legibly enough, feels embarrassed about the tiny wriggles she makes and I, apart from laziness, choke on the snow, tinsel, stars, fairy angels and Coca Cola dressed little bearded fat men, corrupted cultural emblems of other countries. I saw a cartoon on the BBC yesterday when I found their page about "all aspects of life as a disabled person" http://www.bbc.co.uk/ouch/play/andrejordan/ I couldn't resist wandering around the crazy man's blog where I found at the top of this page

http://www.abeautifulrevolution.com/blog/postcards_i_may_send/index.html

what I am tempted to print on homemade cards, but then, there are copyright problems and also the sentiment expressed is from the wrong end of the telescope.

On Thursday she made 3 Xmas puds, using bread crumbs she had made then stored in the fridge a week ago. These were made in the microwave would you believe? Saves wasting steam loads of power using the conventional procedure. The first turned out perfectly, but the next mixture she divided into two for smaller puds then halved the time in the microwave. Some sort of law of volumes must apply because they were overdone. Not to worry, we will eat the tougher bits ourselves. Will make great survival rations should the weather turn very bad and the river beside the van park floods. She benefited from her accomplishments, as I was only called to find ingredients in pantry bottoms, final mixing and some washing up of things too large to be stuffed in the dishwasher.

Last Tuesday she attempted a shower a little after 9am, couldn't, gave up so had breakfast, watched TV before attacking the shower again at 11:20am. This time she showered, washed hair, dried & dressed herself without any assistance needed at all. Some days happen.

Last night while watching TV she said "There's a little spider on the wall behind you." I turned to look, to humour her. Oh ye of little faith! There behind me on the wall, not a spider, but some type of fly, filmy wings, long legs, easily mistaken from a distance. So I squashed it, returned to the TV. I doubted it was a threatened species. This morning I am chastised for leaving a mark on the wall.

I exceeded myself (which is not hard to do) a couple of days ago. One of the many consumer technology catalogues flashed across my screen, causing me to buy a miniature key-ring attachment sized photo frame; a small version of those we are encouraged to place on coffee tables these days. The modern version of a 35mm slide projector yet not requiring a screen & lights out. It arrived a day later. I have loaded photos of our 7 grand children into it. So now she can technologically compete with some we know that bore people conventionally. Our approach is novel for this festive season at least.

And may yours be loving and peaceful.

Chapter 115 - A Barbie

She felt sidelined, not needed, on Saturday. We had decided to have our friends around for a Xmas BBQ, perhaps we should have gone to their place instead. Then she would not have felt so left out of the preparations. Not that there was much really. We had shopped a couple of days ago for packaged green salad, cheese, dips, fish, chicken and such. Before she rose,I had arranged our small table that sits beside her favourite chair into the gazebo (a barrier against fly hordes) on our back patio and cleaned the BBQ, then added bits of blue vein & chopped tomato to the salad, sliced some strawberries into a drop of port, really not much to it. Nuts, dips, savoury sticks. Yet she felt left out of things. These were matters for the hostess to organise, not the host, she did not say aloud. My cooking salmon & chicken on the barbie was men's business anyway. The friends came with other items so we dined well between the hours of 12 noon & 6pm. A few bottles here & there. Afterwards I jammed things into the dish washer. She wants, she needs, to be involved yet cannot. Later in the evening we watched "Shadowlands", the true story of the love late in the life of C. S. Lewis. In reaching for tissues, she said "I am glad I did not see this at the movies." I needed to leave the room at convenient moments.

Yesterday drowning rain kept the house dark enough for her to sleep longer. A delightful surprise at lunch time when a Xmas present for each of us arrived from Chug. Lunch time but we have decided to return to the ritual of a large meal at dinner time, not at lunch. I found that I was rushing at 11.30am to cook a main meal for lunch and when 6pm came round we felt hungry enough to have another "light" meal, thus we both have gained weight. I will have to have something ready about 5pm to avoid her meds at 7pm.

A friend visited her yesterday afternoon. I absented myself.

I checked on her asleep an hour or so ago, then tip-toed back to take a picture of her asleep with her right hand grasping her bed pole. I usually find her hand cold after holding the bed pole most of the night. Even though today is bright & clear, she still sleeps at 8:15 when I just checked on her again. No longer holding the pole, she has turned to face the wall.

Chapter 114 - Returned from a Trip

I have been promoted. I am able to cope with the new triple hooked bras she is now using. Hooking her bra was the only involvement on my part needed this morning, even though she washed her hair and that small activity usually puts paid to much activity on her part for most of the day.

Not so yesterday. I was in "my" bathroom in mid-stream when she called on the CB radio in my pocket. Her voice sounded stressed. I fumbled to reach the CB, wobbled too much and well, it's for me to clean up. When I reached her in the other bathroom she was dripping just out of the shower, her back horizontal, hanging onto the handbasin, unable to move. She needed drying then complete dressing in the bedroom. There was a time when she would not leave the bathroom without being completely covered. Mid-morning she made the effort to attend our PD Group meeting, then lunch at the club, then super market shopping - she hanging onto the handle of the trolley and I pulling the thing from the front and that needed greater effort because one of its wheels jammed in proportion to the weight in the basket. She escaped to a bench seat outside while I man-handled the stuff at the checkout. I made the taciturn checkout girl laugh by saying Meals on Wheels must be easier than this. When presented with the $249 bill I said M on W would be much cheaper the girl pointed out that the taste would not be as good. I conceded the point. Then into the chemist for PD meds, when I suggested a discount for using my own pen (theirs is used by sick people) for signing I received 5 cents because I only had $1.95 loose change in my pocket (as well as $20 & $50 notes don't get the idea we are stony broke) to pay the $2 excess on Sinemet since we have reached our safety limit. Some time ago when she was living on meds we used to reach the safety limit by mid-year.

Last Sunday we returned from our trip north for the embroidery convention at a plush hotel. She attended all the sessions, the stage show on the Friday night (although my hearing suffered at the hands of the deaf mute who controlled the sound levels) but she missed the Gala Dinner on the Saturday night, after a long day in crowded sessions. We never attended the breakfasts, she not very mobile and the ravenous hordes we saw queuing at other times during lunch & tea breaks (there were about 400 there, 99.9% female) discouraged us. But we enjoyed the experience. We left behind at the hotel her bed pole we took with us, the hotel is mailing it to us. On the trip up we stayed two nights at Coffin Bay for her to recuperate, and in that she was assisted by a very helpful shop attendant, who encouraged her to buy more than intended, at an outlet of her favourite clothing stores. Before leaving that hot, sweaty city, we stayed two nights with old friends, visited my mother, then returned south on the inland route. A call from the Ugly Sisters detoured us to visit her Aunt so we spent two nights in the locality before coming home to low humidity conditions. Humid conditions have never been a favourite of mine but lately she tends to perspire continually, not in great drops, just enough for her skin to feel damp & clammy so clothes stick to her and that gives her great difficulty when dressing or raising her clothes in the bathroom. Even here at home where the air is dry & cool. Of course, the stress of tugging at clothes only exacerbates the matter, usually requiring my assistance.

Before our trip north we arranged an appointment with the aged care assessment people to determine whether we are eligible for emergency respite in case I take sick, need to visit aged rellies or am run over by a bus. A couple of pleasant ladies called on Monday, asked questions, took notes, filled in paper work and yesterday we received approval. We are not clear yet exactly what assistance is available to us, how quickly, at what hours but at least we are in the system so we must enquire about the practical details.

Xmas cards are piling up, we intended to phone everyone instead of replying in kind this year. The whole thing is too much of a chore. Peace & goodwill everyone. We have booked into the van park where we went last Xmas, don't know how long we will stay, even if we avoid Chinese restaurants this year.